I Sat down with My Anger

I sat down with my anger because I wanted to befriend it. I sat down with it to finally hold an openhearted space for it to share itself with me.To tell me who it is.To tell me what it is doing for me.To help me understand why it has been doing what it has been doing for me all my life…I sat down with it without trying to get rid of it, without shaming it, and without acting out on it…
I held space for it
With patience,
With compassion,
With acceptance,
With curiosity,
With warmth…
I sat down with it until it opened up to me and said this:”One of my names is Sadness.The other is Fear.The third is Hurt.Another is Grief.My fifth name is Pain.The sixth is Shame.
I have so many more names.I am also Guilt, Rejection, and Embarrassment…
I am Anger and I look ugly, but I am not what I look like.I might look like evil, but in reality, I have angel-like intentions.
I am one of your protectors.
For instance, I work extremely hard to cover the sadness, hurt, shame, and fear you feel.When you feel insecure, ashamed, or guilty, I have the impossible task of making sure that you do not feel overwhelmed by these emotions.
I hate what I do, but I do it anyway because I do not trust that you can protect yourself. I also don’t believe that you can protect me.
I am always ready to protect you, but I am never appreciated for what I do. I am always put down for being destructive, for being embarrassing, and for creating too much regret…
I protect you from pain, yet I am blamed for causing it.
Although I am never appreciated, I never give up on you because I am an angel.
I protect you from the injustices of this world.I protect you from violence and from being disrespected.
I protect you from the heartlessness of others.I protect your boundaries so that you are not used, abused, or treated like shit.I work extremely hard to do my job, but I am usually not very good at it.
My skills do not serve you as much as they once did, and this is scary to me.
I know I need to chill a little, but I am not able to do that yet…But please know that my intentions are always good.
Please treat me kindly and help me get better at protecting you.”
Celal Aydemir,
MA, LPC (EMDR and IFS trained Therapist)